Latest Relationships Articles

Finding a Soul mate: 5 Biggest Love Life Traps That Most People Fall Into Blindly

Sun, 11 Oct 2009 11:21:45 -0700

After more than 25 years of empirical research involving relationships, spirituality, compatibility assessment and match making, we discovered that too many people fall into these three love life traps:

Love Life Trap #1: Assuming you have only one soul mate
Love Life Trap #2: Waiting for a perfect match
Love Life Trap #3: Expecting all romantic relationships to endure blissfully for an entire lifetime

These beliefs are detrimental to your emotional well-being. They often lead to grave disappointment, heartbreak, despair, and loss of peace of mind when your love life unfolds differently than you had expected.

Getting caught in these love life illusions will prevent you from living your highest potential. It can even cause you to forfeit unconditional, authentic love while you embrace fantasies and unrealistic hopes.

Why Most People Fall Into These Love Life Traps

Many have made these mistakes for two main reasons:

1. From an early age, romantic movies, fairytales and other external influences have conditioned many people to strive for unrealistic love relationship models.
2. They think to themselves, "Well, I’ve heard of many couples having the ideal relationship, being together happily for fifty years or longer. If they can do it, I can too.”

Unfortunately, everyone’s love life is different. Some are destined to have an enduring, satisfying love life right now. Some may be slated for that later in life. And, others may have totally different love life circumstances, beyond their control.

It’s okay to strive and hope for what you want in love and in life. But it's a good idea to be as realistic as possible at the same time.

If you think about it, it makes more sense that everyone has many soul mates because everyone is always evolving, changing, improving, and sometimes regressing at different rates. It’s also a mistake to expect one person to fulfill all of your love life demands. That's a lot of pressure for anyone!

Falling into these love life traps repeatedly trip up even the most intelligent and otherwise successful people, so don't feel bad. You can choose to opt-out of them and make the most of your love life, whether you are single or involved.

So, if you have fallen into at least one of the three love life traps, what can you do about it?

5 Tips for Escaping the 3 Biggest Love Life Traps

1. Understand that everyone’s love life cycles are different. You will go through natural, romantic ups and downs throughout your life, and you will emerge from the unpleasant parts in time.

2. Understand that the notion that everyone has only one soul mate will cause many problems. Metaphysical research shows that everyone has many soul mates, and that some are much more compatible than others. If you would like to be involved with a soul mate, be confident that you will connect with another soul mate, and that you will love again.

3. Stop worrying about finding someone who will be compatible for an entire lifetime. All relationships appear to have unique destined beginnings and endings. Some are meant to be short-term (even if the couple chooses to stay together as roommates), and some are meant to be long-term. Surely, you’ve experienced a friendship that has run its course. Love relationships are similar in that way.

4. Embrace shorter-term bonds as learning opportunities instead of viewing them as failed relationships. Whether or not you learned from the experience is of most importance, not how many years you were together. Cherish the lessons, rewards as well as the chance to be together and share one another’s lives.

5. Don’t worry about being a perfect partner or all things to one person. Instead, accept the fact that this is impossible and that you are both free to develop enriching and rewarding friendships that will positively influence you and your relationship.

If you follow our advice and view your love life from a different perspective, you can drastically reduce stress and heartache. Now, wouldn't you rather have the peace of mind that comes from understanding the true nature of romantic love?

Think of the time and heartache you’ll save and the frustration you’ll avoid when you stop trying to manifest what is not meant to be and adopt a more emotionally healthy perspective.

21st birthday Gifts that will impress

Wed, 07 Oct 2009 22:02:32 -0700

Isn't our perception of age an intriguing subject? When we're tiny, even a teenager looks 3 generations ahead of us and we'd swear our parents are nearing 100. When we reach our late teens it's a bit of a shock to be labelled an adult and even people in their 30s are well past middle age.

As we reach that age ourselves, we start to realise our parents are really not that much older than ourselves after all. The shocking thing from then on is that we notice celebrities on TV getting younger and younger by the day. Go to a pub and you're surrounded by peachy skinned youths who look like they've just come out of nursery school.

As we grow older it's also easy to lose touch with what's important to the generations that follow us. If you belong to the older generation, you'll know just what a challenge it is to keep up with the latest fads that interest all the different age groups.

One minute your granddaughter is into Pokn, next thing it's Hannah Montana that's all the rage. What looks good to you would only make your grown-up children cringe and as for the latest gadgets, well you've only just learned how to switch a mobile phone on.

So what are the chances of impressing your family with 21st birthday gifts that are right up their street? If it sounds like a challenge, we may have it all wrapped up for you. No matter how many generations you're crossing, there are bags of 21st birthday gifts that you'll agree are just right for your children, your grandchildren, your nieces and nephews, or whoever is celebrating this year.

Impressing Her

Everybody knows that chocolate is the way to every girl's heart, so why not give her the 'Ultimate Chocoholics Indulgence Tin'. As 21st birthday gifts go, chocolates may seem unimaginative, but this little package is something extra special. Packed to the brim with fudge brownies, muffins and truffles, it's simply irresistible. If you prefer more lasting 21st birthday presents, look to something she can treasure for ever that will always remind her of you.

The Engraved Gift Box with Heart Necklace and Earrings' is a stunning jewellery set, young and delicate in style and your own personal message engraved on the tactile chrome gift box is the ultimate finishing touch. Something that never changes through the generations is that every girl loves to be pampered and there are plenty of ways to provide her with those gorgeous bubbles and smellies. Whether you choose the 'Mini Pamper Hamper', the 'Pamper Me Bathroom Bundle' or the 'Ultimate Pamper Hamper', you're sure to be onto a winner.

Impressing Him

You may think it's going to take a lot to impress him, but he's sure to be delighted with a range of 21st birthday gifts that appeal to those masculine needs for technology and girls! With the amazing 'Takeaway Website', he'll have everything he needs to set up his own website with just a few mouse clicks. So he'll be able to look forward to selling items online, setting up his own blogs and message boards, anything in fact that he wants to do within the confines of his own web space.

If he's a fan of the Playboy lifestyle, the 'Playboy Share Gift Box' may be right up his street. Playboy was the original lad mag with its revolutionary insights into the world of glitz and glamour and a cheeky chappy approach to sexy centerfolds. Now is his chance to buy into that lifestyle by acquiring real shares in the Playboy empire, surely an impressive gift for any man approaching 21!

More foolproof solutions

Of course, what is likely to impress them more than anything is the imagination you've put into choosing their 21st birthday gifts. If you take a look at the range of experience days on offer, you'll find a fabulous choice of activities they're guaranteed to love. If they're the energetic outdoor type, they're sure to get into the spirit whether you choose white water rafting or rock climbing. But this is their 21st birthday, so maybe something truly out of this world is on the cards.

If you feel their daredevil streak will stand up to it, why not consider 21st birthday gifts such as their very own flying lesson, a 'Tandem Skydiving Experience' or 'Military Vehicle Driving'? And if you have a lady to impress who just deserves some serious pampering, there's a wide selection of experience days for her including the 'Luxury Health Spa Day Gift Pack', the 'Express Manicure and Pedicure' and the 'Deluxe Glamour Makeover', which will leave her looking fabulous for her special party!

Wedding Proposal Tips: How to Win Her “Yes”

Wed, 07 Oct 2009 07:44:20 -0700

It’s time to pop the question and the first advice soldier is that you must come prepared. This preparation is both mental and physical; mentally you must expect that in reality there is more than one answer to the question “Will You Marry Me?”

Once that comes to mind try to keep heed of the following food for thought:

Testing the waters.

Don’t ruin the surprise, but do have small talks about what kind of future she wants to have. Avoid using the common female primer “we have to talk”, keep it casual as to avoid giving off signals that may ruin the moment. Ask about careers, children housing, transportation, health, and probably recreation activities. Actually if have been able to maintain a healthy relationship with lady for quite some time, then you should have known the answer to most of these questions by now. If not, recall. If not possible, it time to turn on the charm and reinvestigate.

In cases wherein your girl is of a different culture, you should also try to learn if she obeys a different pattern of tradition and customs that might play an impact in your attempt at a nuptial. In some cultures, it would be decent to actually talk to her parents or even grandparents before popping the question. Other beliefs may also entail taking care of the parents at old age – which could mean deeper pockets in the long run.

Location, location, location.

Sounding a bit like real estate? Don’t worry, I’m not alluding to the possibility that she may be as expensive as real estate… but if she does give off that tendency then think about act of proposal act to get a very high appraisal rate. Choose the perfect spot for your proposal. Think of a place that has a common memory you share.

Maybe the first place you first met, had your first kiss or maybe where you will build your first house together. At the end of our time the only thing we will have to hold on to would be the good and great memories we have had the fortune of having, so make this one count.

Avoid public places, specially sporting events specially karaoke bars. Unless you have tested the waters properly and she is inclined to give a big resounding yes, then avoid this kind of pressure. It will bear heavy on you, on her and possibly to the friends you planted in the audience.

Play like James Bond.

No, no, no not the exotic cars, the lovely British accent or gunplay. Although the good looks would not be a bad idea, but let’s face only a few are blessed. So let’s get down to business of being an agent on a mission. Prepare yourself for intangibles but arm yourself with some information briefs and some practice.

Know what to say, if you are not a skilled orator then write down what you want to say and practice it. Believe that this is not a moment for garbling words or giving double meanings. If you cannot memorize it, then read it to her. It does not hurt.

Know the location. You may have already picked the place, but have a specific idea where exactly you must sit, stand and eventually drop down on one knee for her. In graduating from this courtship you will also need to reminder of your good history together and what you think makes you click, then move in for the final charge by being direct, succinct and actually very simple.

That’s it for that. These general rules when applied properly should provide you with the answer you so direly desire let the reminder be in summing this all up be “set it up before you rack ‘em up.” Cheers and good luck!

Advantages of Online Flower Delivery

Wed, 07 Oct 2009 07:40:26 -0700

I bought my first bunch of flowers at the neighborhood florist way back when I was a whiff of a teenager. While I feel that it was just a blink ago, it admittedly was a big block of time before the Internet became public domain. On the rare occasion that I did, I have to admit that I actually liked the feeling of entering a flower shop.

Looking around, sniffing the arrangements, twiddling with the cards, mentally debating what to write or what color to get and finally how many to get. There were always a few varieties of flowers available but on impulse the first choice of purchase would be roses. Usually the displayed item would be red although a small sign would say that other colors were available. The romance already seemed to start with all these efforts. But alas, this dance was to be repeated again and again since the response of the recipient would always be too favorable.

Men being men might be genetically predisposed to endure such ritual torment, fortunately for us and the rest of mankind, the passage of time also brings us with the endowment of technological options.

At first the Internet gave us lazy letters called emails. I could now send typed messages without the need of postage. Websites then bloomed and us an eyeful of what more the world had to offer. It was all about information but now it has turned into a highway of commerce.

Low and behold, soon enough flowers were for sale. As this trend caught on at our shores it gets one to think. Does the allusion of romance shrink with times? Does it now become impersonal?

I think not. I think the online flower delivery industry even increases the potential of men (and women) to purchase a bouquet or two with very good reason.

First of all, you can now see the entire catalogue of products and packages and compare them across the board. You can see all colors, types, fillers, and packaging options. Most even have guides and suggestions to help the user make a choice plus it already comes with a greeting card.

Secondly, it’s keeps you on the clock. Apparently, if you become a member or a frequent customer, you become entitled to be conscientiously reminded by alien technology to send another bunch during occasions or special dates. Mind you, since this is now a worldwide phenomenon, it gives you the ability to send it anywhere on the globe. Now we become an omnipotent source of care and affection.

Lastly, it’s the cost control. With the online gift economy world getting smaller and stronger, suppliers and distributors had to bind together and find more efficient means of delivering quality goods. Online stores also forego the overriding cost of brick and mortar businesses, therefore less real estate and less people power while operating virtually 24 hours. All these factors contributed to competitive pricing while raising the quality bar thus turning happy customers into frequent shoppers.

The Internet doesn’t solve all the world’s problems, but at least in this case it pretty much gives a better solution. It’s common for people to live busier lives nowadays with the recession and the cutthroat competition so everyone is looking out for better ways to achieve personal as well as professional goals, lucky for the romantics the online flower delivery service has become quite a boon.

How to Wear Colour This Autumn

Mon, 05 Oct 2009 06:31:38 -0700

The first thing that hits you when you enter the shops this season is the bright colours reminiscent of the 80s. Some of the colour blocking and clashes can be quite alarming and you may wonder what you are going to wear this autumn. If in doubt, then consider buying a gift voucher as a perfect Christmas presents for women.

Don’t be too alarmed by the bright colours when you hit the shops. Remember there are other trends around this season and other ways to wear brights other than top-to-toe! A colour consultant can help you decide which colours are the best for your colouring. Let’s have a look at what trends are around and how to wear them.

Lace
Lace is available on the high street, mostly in black and light neutrals this season. Almost everyone can enjoy the look that lace gives to an outfit. If black is too harsh for your natural colouring, wearing a garment that layers black lace over a lighter neutral can give a softer more wearable look. Beware of lace though if your look is very natural as you might find it too fussy and will feel uncomfortable in it even for the evening.

Metallics
Metallics are popular this season for day and evening wear. You’ll find shimmery gold and silver fabrics and plenty of sparkly sequins. Most colouring types can wear gold or silver tones but if your dominant colouring is warm (red tones to the hair), gold tones will be more striking on you. If, on the other hand, you have a dominant cool colouring (silver, grey or ash blonde hair), silver will be much more flattering for you.

Checks
Laid-back plaid is relaxed and can give a feel of life in the country. Checks are ideal for the natural and classic style personalities as they give a pattern but are not outlandish. There are muted beiges which will suit the lights and softs (blonde to mid brown hair) and will work really well for the warms. Also present on the high street are the black and white and subtle grey tones. These will work better for those with a cool skin tone. If the check is bold with strong contrast it will work best on the deeps (dark hair and eyes) and the clears (dark hair, light skin, bright eyes). Be careful when using checks that they suit your body shape. If your body is very curvy the check will need to be cut on the bias to make it work. The safest way to wear checks is in your accessories such as bags, scarves and shoes.

Brights
Brights are everywhere! They come in dresses, tops, coats, shoes, tights and bags. They are fun and exciting but only you can decide how far you want to take them! If you are dramatic or creative you can really enjoy mixing shocking pinks with reds and purples, royal blue with cerise and bright teals and aqua. Everywhere you go you will find inspiration for new and exciting combinations. If you are more conservative in your look, maybe just add brights in small quantities either in bags and shoes, or in jewellery and belts. A hint can be just enough to give you a current look.

What Women Expect from their Gifts

Thu, 24 Sep 2009 05:41:03 -0700

To quote Freud “The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, what does a woman want?” This eminent psychologist must have served this statement part in awe as in jest as tribute to the very fascinating mysteries of women that men are cursed with to never truly find the answer to.

Fortunately for us, narrowing down this topic to what is perceivably easier to answer with some research would be what often looks forward to when receiving a gift. And this should be taken only in the traditional sense of the word.

A gift is described to be any item given freely to another without need of reciprocation. The range of conventional gifts is varied and wide, but when gifting a lover, a spouse or a woman which you hope will end up as one of these two, the long-established tools of the trade in courtly love can be divided into flowers, chocolates/candies and keepsakes.

The gift economy has reaped great rewards with the age of the Internet for it gives customers great ease in searching and purchasing. In lieu of travelling into malls and stores it has now become fashionable and more oftentimes practical. Right in your homes or offices and now also by mobile phone these items can be sorted, arranged and customized by just a point and a click and to the keen user, one can satisfy the basic expectation of women from your gifts.

First they expect quality. Quality need not be expensive; it is simply a state of excellence or the absence of defects. In the world of the web, reputable sites are denoted by trust marks and a long history of success. They contain a lot of supplementary information about their products and practice and are referred to by other sites. Study their products well specially if your gift is perishable.

Cut flower roses for example if grown properly should last for two weeks with proper care. But note that not all varieties are sturdy. If you are sending chocolates make sure that they are not the kind that melts while in transport. Shiny keepsakes should remain shiny for although all that glitters may not be gold but know how long items should keep their sheen.

Google their category and give it some review. Companies that have quality products have great after sales support and have replacement and refund policies.

Secondly women expect a valuable message. With flowers, symbolisms by variety and color choices can take the message of love, adoration or purity of intention. Chocolates are a treat for indulgence, beautifully packaged and assorted ones are interpreted as a sort of pampering by the giver. Keepsakes such as a figurine, a music box or jewelry differ in dollar value but for true intentions it is not merely to impress a social status but is dearly given to impart apiece of oneself to be kept close by the recipient as a personal treasure. Always remember, the medium is the message.

Thirdly, they also expect some emotion, or shall I dare say it, a bit of drama in its delivery. Refer to this as icing on the cake. A gift under 10 dollars packaged and presented properly will feel like a million. Instead of giving a necklace in a box you may want to place on the neck of a stuffed bear. A combination of flowers and a bear might also be more special if the bear can wear a statement on his shirt too.

All being said, it can be generally said that women expect some effort in their gifts. Keep in mind that they are wired differently than men since it has long been said that this better (or bitter) half thinks mostly with her heart and not her head. Keep these tips in mind and mix with a bit of creativity to keep cupid’s arrow straight and true.

Belarussian flowers delivery-tips on how to choose the best

Thu, 17 Sep 2009 01:00:43 -0700

Flowers are one of the most popular and a suitable gift for any occasion to express one's joy or sorrow. It is accepted in most cultures and countries of the world. Belarus is no exception. But there are some local customs and social obligation, which are to be borne in mind when you send flowers to Belarus. In Belarus even number of flower is not given unless it is a mourning. Secondly, there is a god fearing belief in Belarus that yellow flowers are an ominous sign of sorrow, so while sending flowers to Belarus be careful of yellow flowers. Women the world over love flowers as a gift on birthdays and Belarussian women are no exception. Even so, flowers should be given with the present and are not to be gifted alone. Choice of flowers may vary from a single piece to a colorful bouquet or a vase arrangement to a basket of flowers. Today, more often than not, men also receive flowers; but there is an noticeable difference for a man and woman. Therefore, it is advisable to consult a professional florist for color, type and other details prior to sending flowers in Belarus In the corporate sector sending flowers in Belarus to observe a joyous occasion like anniversaries or holidays is appreciated. A central corsage is preferable for the boss on such occasions New Year is organized with much fun and joy in Belarus, though some traditions of Christmas are combined to commemorate the holidays. For these winter holidays the perfect gift is the traditional Christmas garlands and table arrangements decorated with candles, balls, ribbons and other customary decorations. It is in acceptance with Belarussian culture to keep red, white and green colors for Christmas and white-and-gold for New Year. Valentines day is also celebrated with fun and hilarity by the younger generation. The holiday is a cultural event of flowers and the accurate flower for the occasion is the red rose. For your dear and loved one a heart-shaped bouquet of fresh flowers will elicit much joy on this day. International Women's Day on 8th March is an significant holiday in Belarus. Prices in the Belarus flower delivery market skyrocket on this day, on account of the demand as every woman is presented with flowers. You can select from the traditional rose to tulips, solidago or hyacinths in an imaginative way to make her happy. On wedding occasions soft-cream colored bouquets for the bride are recognized with gratitude and a plain and contrast is appropriate for the bridegroom. Small and handy bouquet makes the recipient at ease. To send flowers to Belarus on funeral occasions to express grief and sorrow is the circular wreath of tightly compressed flowers symbolizing birth, life, death and rebirth. For a more personal sign of grief you can choose Casket Spray. Roses, lilly are traditionally accepted flowers for funeral and other sympathetic condolences Gifting flowers is one of the acceptable ways to express loving feelings and thankfulness. In Belarus all occasions can be observed with a gift if flowers, keeping in view the specific local traditions associated with giving and receiving flowers.

Understanding the positive & negative Power of Creating Meaningful Experiences.

Mon, 14 Sep 2009 04:50:03 -0700

Throughout your life, you have both positive and negative experiences. During your day-to-day routine, you continually associate meaning with those experiences.

Humans are meaning making machines. We put our own meanings on our life experiences. Many factors contribute to these meanings. They can determine whether an experience is positive or negative. For example, if your dad doesn’t say he loves you when he ends a phone conversation, you may feel that you are not accepted and you may attach a meaning that you are unlovable or worthless. On the other hand, you could make the meaning that your dad was busy and was just concentrating on some other important task. You could also make it mean that your dad was secure in your love and didn’t always need to say he loved you.

It is important to look at life from many different angles. If you continue to look at things the same way, you will believe that there is only one meaning to a situation and that it is the only way to think about it.

Beliefs can be either strengths or limitations. Search for limiting beliefs that stop you from success. Begin to recognize the meanings you are making and notice what happens when you change the meaning. My friend didn’t call me today means she doesn’t like me. Change the meaning to: My friend didn’t call me today because she must be super busy. Better still: don’t make it mean anything because most likely your meaning won’t be right anyway!

What does it mean when the person you were giving a presentation to decides to do business with someone else? Here are some possible meanings you can use:

• your product was not a match.
• They were given this same product for their birthday.
• They may have lost your number.
• They may have bought from a family member.
• They would be an annoying customer anyway and it saved you time and energy.
• Make it mean that you have other opportunities now!

Of course, you could simply call the customer and ask them why they did not do business from you. Then you wouldn’t need to hallucinate all the wrong meanings. Most of the times the meanings people make are not correct.

Meaning Machine Exercise: Since people are so good at making meanings, we must also be able to shift the meanings. Think of a scenario where you made a meaning that is bothersome to you. Look at this situation from someone else’s point of view.

1. What are ?ve other meanings you could have made?
2. How does this open your mind to other possible meanings?
3. What will you now make this scenario mean?

Beliefs are formed as you develop and grow, beginning at your conception and continuing throughout your life. Your meanings impact how you live and work each and every day. What meanings will you make today?

Why You Need A Wedding Coordinator

Wed, 09 Sep 2009 03:30:31 -0700

Often unheralded, the wedding coordinator captures much of the blame and never the credit for well-executed weddings. Some coordinators are solo while some come with quite an arsenal of personnel. But all being equal, their value are sorted down to the following:

Stress Relief.

We are in a wedding crazy country. Being predominantly Catholic and pretentiously religious people we have a tendency to invest a lot in our nuptials. An often-mentioned jibe is, but always half true, we do not simply marry another person. We marry into a whole family. Hiring a coordinator can give the couple an unbiased anchoring point into uniting the preferences of both sides of the families including friends and patrons.

Sometimes just keeping the peace between clans is worthwhile enough to hire a professional.

Focus.

The most popular churches sometimes are booked so far back that the entire wedding takes a year or more to produce. This fact alone will warrant a point person to task list activities and to do’s while the engaged couple live through their careers and gather resources at the same time.

Keeping focus also means contacting and constantly reminding the concerned guests, participants and most importantly suppliers to keep to the schedule. This would be equal to planning a one-night concert, innumerable details and intricate logistics all for a single performance.

Cost Control.

Being such an emotional adventure for the couple, most weddings go haywire in the budget department because of a lot of impulsive decisions. Having the heart instead of the head often leads to years of debt for newlyweds. Something we should always try to avoid.

The planners experience in creatively juggling “wants versus needs” will establish parameters in behalf of the couple and keep the budget in line. Being a professional, the planner will keep financial positions private and may sometimes intercede by extending terms for payments since they are usually highly regarded by suppliers and entertainers.

A Fistful of Wisdom

Experienced coordinators have seen it all and heard it all. Legal and sacramental advice comes with the package of these planners. Churches have different restrictions, venues have deficiencies and provinces have different beliefs, superstitions and traditions. Coordinators can pour all these particulars and line up a pocket of solutions to satisfy most requirements.

Free Time

Getting a coordinator most importantly gives you invaluable free time to spend on finer matters, such as interviewing photographers and videographers to capture important moments in your celebration. Even choosing the albums can be quite a chore. Picking out the flowers and décor to match your theme, listing down items for the bridal registry, attending to fittings, going to salons and most importantly meeting up friends and sponsors to make sure they will give your union the support it deserves. Actually most of what has just been set will be done with much help from the coordinator as they can filter the ones you should talk to or deal with in the first place.

In sum, the wedding coordinator gives the most value by covering the intangibles leading to that special day. They are like an insurance policy to enable the couple to experience more joy. They will carry the extra safety pin, the spool of thread, the extra car, the duct tape and the very best ones carry something borrowed and something blue.

Bad Girls: Let’s Be Honest Ladies, Aren’t You Only Into Him BECAUSE He’s NOT Into You?

Thu, 03 Sep 2009 00:31:05 -0700

The authors left out one very important piece of the puzzle in their bestselling book “He’s Just Not That into You.” Deep down every female knows what that little piece of the puzzle is. Our perception and our reality are worlds apart when it comes to relationships today. Although our reality has drastically changed our perception continues to remain the same.

The tired but lingering perception still holds men responsible for the majority of problems experienced in relationships; which is not to say that women are unwilling to take a little responsibility. Women often blame themselves for giving and loving too much. Interestingly enough, females tend to only give and love too much when they are involved with males that treat them badly or at the least males that show them little interest. Could it be that females continue to love males like this because it is simply in their nature to be giving and nurturing, or could it simply be that females love a challenge? If you are a male reader, you probably suspect it’s the latter. Although, if you are a female reader, you know it’s the latter.

Females chase after commitment in the same way that males have always chased. Males often lose interest in females after they get them into bed and females often lose interest in males after they get them to commit – that’s the reality, but it’s certainly not the perception that most people have about women. Why? Because it doesn’t fit the males are “bad” and females are “good” stereotype to which we have become so accustomed.

The females who claim to love too much are the equivalent of males who will say or do anything to get a female into bed. These females will put up with anything and will do almost anything to accomplish their goal – getting a man into a commitment. However, once they have garnered their commitment they usually become bored and resentful. Eventually, after finding a reason to blame the men for their unhappiness (i.e. boredom) they move on to their next conquest. This is the commitment game – it’s the female version of pursue and discard.

I found it interesting, having interviewed more than two hundred people as well as having recently written a book about females, to hear that large numbers of women were ending their relationships as a result of reading “He’s Just Not That into you.” Interesting, because I knew from my research that these women were most likely ending their relationships for the same reason they had stayed in them; they viewed the men they were seeing as a challenge.

I was curious, so I set out to find out what was really behind the apparent phenomenon. I wanted to know why women were really ending their relationships after their encounter with that little book we’ve all heard so much about.

I discovered that the book’s directness made it difficult, if not impossible, for women to continue to rationalize their boyfriend’s behavior once they had read it; there was nothing left for the women to analyze or to talk about with their friends. They no longer needed to try and figure out what their boyfriends were thinking, or spend time wondering about where their relationship was going. The need for discussing, analyzing, hoping and longing had all been eliminated. As a result, many women ended their relationships. They had mistakenly believed that the men in their lives were complicated and mysterious, or in other words, a challenge; instead, they found out their boyfriend’s behavior was categorically identifiable and even predictable.

However, what must not be overlooked is the fact that it was the apparent “cookie cutter” behavior of men, meaning the men’s loss of mystery, which caused the women to end their relationships. It was obviously not due to the way men were treating them; otherwise women would have ended their relationships prior to reading the book. So, it seems women are ending their relationships after reading the book for the same reason they often ended them prior to reading it – they think the men in their lives are boring.

One of the co-authors of “He’s Just Not That Into You” has co-written a new book, titled “It’s Called a Break Up Because It’s Broken.” Even without reading the sub-title, one could easily assume that the book is intended to help women deal with the difficulty and aftermath of a break-up. One could assume this due to the book’s cover which prominently displays a container of ice cream.

It will be interesting to see if this new book will sweep the nation too; although, I must say, I don’t think it will. The reason is due to a little known fact: it is women, not men who end the majority of relationships. I know what your preconditioned mind must be thinking. You must be thinking “well, women wouldn’t be ending the majority of relationships if it weren’t for men’s bad behavior.” But this isn’t necessarily the case. Growing apart is actually one of the most common reasons cited by women for ending their relationships and during my research, the reason most frequently given by women for ending or wanting to end their relationship was “my husband/boyfriend is boring.”

Bearing this in mind, one has to wonder why the new break-up book doesn’t have a big, frosty beer on its cover. The answer to that one is probably pretty simple:

A) As a society we keep women’s bad behavior a secret; trust me, if it had been Hillary instead of Bill you would have never been the wiser.
B) Women buy a lot more books than men.

These types of books are obviously intended to empower women. However, I believe the opposite is true. Women will never be empowered by the media’s false bravado which is constantly being used to feed their egos and somehow make up for their past oppression. Women will only become truly empowered when they own the dark side of their nature. When they are held accountable and take responsibility for their own bad behavior as well as the harm they often inflict onto others.

In our culture men have been reduced to nothing more than their animal nature, while women on the other hand, are still somehow separated from theirs. The devil and the angel, so to speak, live inside every human being. Females are in no way excluded from this fact of human nature. At some point in history, many societies assigned and deemed certain characteristics and behaviors natural, meaning acceptable, for each of the Relationship. To this day, people are inundated with these same exaggerated and fictitious images of male and female behavior. Women, as well as men, have been sliced down the middle – able to own only part of who they are.

In order for females to achieve real equality and to stop being their own oppressors they are going to have to acknowledge, as well as take responsibility for, the disrespectful way in which they often treat males. In truth, women are just as often the villains as they are the victims. Acknowledging and accepting this fact is the only way for women to truly become whole.

This process may require women to ask themselves some pretty tough questions which they undoubtedly will not like the answers to. Questions such as:

How many guys have I blown off? How many times have I not returned a guy’s phone call? How many times have I lied to a guy? How many times have I cheated on a guy? How many times have I strung a guy along? How many times have I used a guy for his money? How many times have I used a guy for attention? How many times have I used a guy for Relationship?

Females regularly do all of these things and more. What’s more, they typically do them to males who really like them and are trying to treat them well. Unfortunately, the nice guys are often viewed, as willing – willing to commit, which translated into male terms means – an easy lay.

Women didn’t need to read a book from a man’s perspective in order for them to understand and gain insight into male behavior, all they needed to do was ask themselves why they treat some males in the same way that they often complain about being treated.. And of course, without any hesitation an answer quite similar to the title of that little book would roll right off every woman’s tongue - I’m just not that into him.