How Old Is Your Car In People Years?

I'm not in the fast lane. What's in and what's on the road pass me by. My car is thirty-eight years old. In people years that's five hundred ninety.

I've had my car for twenty of its thirty-eight years. In DMV years twenty is at least four times I haven't
had to register a new car.

A new car starts depreciating as soon as it leaves the dealership. My car's appreciating, which I appreciate - especially as I didn't know how expensive it was going to be to feed it gas. Of course, I didn't know how expensive it was going to be to feed teenage sons.

I named my car because no one should ride with a stranger. His name is Huey and he's a Mercedes convertible. However, Huey's too old to have a top that goes down automatically. After struggling several times to put the top down manually and then stretch the boot over it, I decided Huey qualified as a hard top.

Huey is also too old to have automatic windows. When someone taps on the passenger window, I have to crawl over the gear shift to roll it down. Then the tapper feels embarrassed, but I feel worse. I feel shifty.

Because Huey's original seat belts went only around the waist, I had shoulder harness belts installed. I only have an air bag when Cousin Walter is riding with me.

It was Cousin Walter who gave me the survival kit to keep in Huey's trunk. I assumed it was in case of earthquakes, but Cousin Walter said it was because Huey quakes.

Huey and I are growing older together - quake for quake and wrinkle for wrinkle; but because Huey is made out of metal, his wrinkles have to be removed by a metal surgeon.

Although Huey lacks modern conveniences, there's a distinct advantage to driving an old car. It encourages other drivers to be patient. They let Huey in front of them and they don't honk if he doesn't spring forward when traffic lights turn green or if he stalls.

My husband doesn't think drivers are driving respectfully because of Huey's age. He thinks they're driving defensively because I'm a blond driving an old bomb.

Yes, Huey is old; and yes, it's expensive when he has to be fixed. Nevertheless, I'm frequently asked if I want to sell Huey and I'm flattered - except when it's my husband who asks.

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KNIGHT PIERCE HIRST takes humorous looks at life. Take a minute to make yourself smile at http://knightwatch.typepad.com

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